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  • Ashleigh Goodchild

If the Perth rental market was Tinder, I’d be the hottest b*tch on the block

For those of you who don’t live in Perth, our rental market is tighter than me in a size 12 Valley Girl jegging - TIGHT

I’ve been looking for a new rental.

The key to securing a rental in the market is to have the bio (highlighted at the beginning of the email) -

“Hi, I’m Sarah - I’m 40 years old, single, no children, no pets, a business owner & my hobbies are writing, reading, yoga & meditation”.

This sentence is like property manager porn They love me! I’ve never received so much help and encouragement. Straight to the front of the line.

“Oh you don’t have children” “Oooooh you’re single and have such quiet hobbies” “We love that you don’t have pets”. “Let me get you a private viewing”.

Who knew being a reclusive barren spinster would turn out to be the hottest ticket in our much desired pandemic town

The downside is that I’m now paying the highest rent of my life. I dissociate from my body & mind every time I think of the amount.

When people ask what I do now, my response will have to be - ‘pay rent’ Hobbies? ‘Pay rent’ Favourite food? ‘Pay rent’ How are you? ‘Pay rent’

PS. (Whilst I make light of my situation, I acknowledge my very real privilege and know that it’s a brutal shit-fight out there. Rents are exhorbitant. Individuals and families are in and/or facing very real homelessness & poverty. The McGowan Government must do more)

Written by my funny high school friend Sarah Newbold :)


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